We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
