shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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