my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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