Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
