Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
