Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
