I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
