if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
