i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
