I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize