Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
