We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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