remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need a beard to bite.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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