dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
