in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
