Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
