How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
