I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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