Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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