note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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