Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
