i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
