I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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