So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize