you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
