I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
