That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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