you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
