Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize