Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Randomize
