no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
