I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
