Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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