so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize