What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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