Screwed.edu
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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