On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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