He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
