So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
