Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Randomize
