You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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