My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
