...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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