i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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