when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize