So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
