That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
