Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
