There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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