Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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