i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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