God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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