I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
