All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
