Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
