My room smells like vodka and shame
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
