So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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