I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize