I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
