you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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