I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize