I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
