Cold hands, warm shart.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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