I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
