just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
