I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
