just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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