it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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