Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
