are you still at the devil's house?
i just google imaged poop.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize