i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
