dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
