apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
