For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
