I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize