So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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