Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
