That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i've created a new STD.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
