I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
