There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
