I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
