I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize