Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
