I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
