Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
