I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
