When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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