first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
